This week's word..... Together. I've been married to my husband nearly 9 years. We met 12 years ago waiting tables when both of us were finishing up college. We've had 3 children, purchased two homes, and (between the 2 of us) changed jobs 6 times. He stood by my side and held me at my father's funeral. I hurt with his family when we said goodbye to his great grandmother, Ruby (Bella's namesake). We worried together when our kids were sick We stayed strong together and for each other when our 7 month old daughter had spinal surgery. We've seen each other at our worst (I've had a meltdown or two). We've seen each other at our best. He was with me every second during each of the births of our children. We've had money struggles and fears about the future. I can get under his skin, and he can push me to my boiling point. He leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. I leave my coffee creamer on the counter. He does dishes, folds the laundry, and will change a dirty diaper. I do the dishes, fold the laundry, change diapers, give baths, clean the bathrooms, dust, take care of the birds, ... Ok, ok , I'll stop. I think he's naive to this crazy messed up world. He truly believes he can help anything and anyone. To him, everything is simple and must have an explanation. I psychoanalyze and have trust issues. He goes with the flow, I have to have a plan. I lean on him. He makes me feel safe. When he's not here, I miss him and his companionship. Even when I'm sitting on the couch playing on my phone and he's engrossed in ESPN, we're together.
We've only been together for 12 years. There is no doubt we will be together as long as we are both here on this earth. And even after that.
(And yes, I realize it is Saturday).
On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. The short version is: Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word. (On your blog or in the comments). - See more here.
This week's word.....Ordinary.
There is nothing ordinary about my children. They are truly extraordinary. Everything about them still amazes me. I still look at them and think... I made that. From scratch. And I look at Bella sometimes and still have to remind myself that I have a daughter. My boys have a sister.
And yet, I am so much harder on myself. I doubt. I doubt my parenting. I doubt my ability as a nurse. I doubt myself as a wife, daughter, sister, friend. I set the bar too high.
I want to photograph. But, I am not as good as every other photographer. My pictures are ordinary. There is nothing special about my pictures. This is my biggest hurdle. I cannot be proud of myself. I can be so proud of my children. But I don't cut myself any slack. And I definitely do not see myself as different. Or extraordinary. I need to trust myself. To give myself the credit I deserve.
I look at my children every day, and I am so proud. Proud of them. I need to be proud of myself because I am their parent. And they are the product of my upbringing.
Today's word prompt is "write". So here goes. Five minutes of writing. No interruptions. About the word "write".
I write a lot. I write in my journal. I write notes to myself, notes to my husband. Check lists, grocery lists, to-do lists, song lyrics, my favorite quotes, things to remember. My mind is overflowing with little "notes to self". I think a lot when I'm in the car and wish I had some way to write it all down. I even contemplated buying a tape recorder so I could record my notes and thoughts right in the moment.
As a little girl, I used to write short stories and dreamt of being an author when I grew up. I love to write. I love to hear myself talk. This is one of the reasons I started this blog. So I could write about whatever, anything and everything. I hope that by writing it all down, I can unload my mind and...breathe. Sometimes I see it as a weakness, this inability to relax. But I'm starting to consider that it is just a sign of creativity and it just needs to be released. Which again leads me back to this blog. I need to write. And this is the best place to start.
And man, five minutes is up quick. I was just getting started.
My name is Kaci. I am a working mom of 3. Wife to Josh. Mom to Jackson, Cameron & Isabella. My life is dinner, homework, baseball, basketball, grocery lists, laundry, wine, video games, and bath time. I started this blog because I am passionate about photography and journaling, and because I wanted a place to write it all down, to rememeber little details so easily forgotten in the mad rush that is the life of a family of 5. Through my photos and words, I endeavor to capture our story.