(written on 10/28/31)
I'm feeling a little emotional today. A little weepy. And a whole lot guilty. You know how us women get. It happens (at least) once a month. It's been a rough week, and it's only Wednesday.
We carved pumpkins last night, and it went about as good as it could have. We were going to try to carve three pumpkins (one for each kid), but we ended up only carving one because the other two weren't quite ripe. One ended up being just enough. The boys seemed to enjoy themselves and Jackson was actually disappointed that we couldn't do the other two. Despite the fact that I was a total grouch and tried to hurry everyone along. It was already after 8, because of course Cameron & Josh had just gotten home from baseball practice and we had to eat a quick dinner and clean up. There were still showers to be taken and homework to be done. And I just wanted to go to bed early. But we got through it, and the pumpkin is pretty cute.
And now this morning, all I can think about is how hard my poor husband works for his family and how I just pitched a fit yesterday and blasted him with all the things around the house that he doesn't do and how overwhelmed I am. Like how he leaves his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor and they never make it to the hamper. How I spend most of my time picking up after everyone, that I expect it from my children but not from an adult. How he never finds the time to clean a bathroom or the bird cage. How I always have to remind him to put the laundry away after I washed/dried/and folded it.
And yet, today, I am reminded of all the things that he does so often, thanklessly. Like how every morning, he gets up and turns on the shower for me so I can lie there a few extra minutes under the warm covers while I wait for the water to heat up. How he gets the boys dressed, feeds them breakfast, makes their snacks, and sends them off to the bus. And yet I yell at him all the time for yelling at them in morning to hurry up. I know how frustrating they can be. And how slow. And how you have to tell them the same thing over and over again for it to sink in. He made a special trip to the store last night because I said we had to have 3 pumpkins to carve. The other night when I didn't feel good, he went by the grocery store for me and made dinner and let me go to bed early. I complain that he is not home 3 out of the 5 nights and I'm left to do it all by myself - dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, cleaning up, etc. But he's coaching our boys in baseball. And that is so important right now. And I just wonder if they will ever understand how much he loves to coach them, how proud he is of all of them, and all the things he does for them. And for me.
I know my emotions are a little exaggerated this week, and I know I'm being a little overly sensitive. But sometimes this helps us to see things a little clearer, and we should take advantage of these moments when we're vulnerable. I'll probably give the boys an earful tonight about their daddy - about how they should appreciate him more and be nicer to him. And maybe I can be their example and show them how its done.
My name is Kaci. I am a working mom of 3. Wife to Josh. Mom to Jackson, Cameron & Isabella. My life is dinner, homework, baseball, basketball, grocery lists, laundry, wine, video games, and bath time. I started this blog because I am passionate about photography and journaling, and because I wanted a place to write it all down, to rememeber little details so easily forgotten in the mad rush that is the life of a family of 5. Through my photos and words, I endeavor to capture our story.