(written 9/8/16)
This week, you began seventh grade. Second year of middle school. You have changed dramatically since last year. Everyone warned me middle school is a time of big change and growth, maturity. Attitude, independence. Well, it happened. You've always been confident, since kindergarten. Adaptable. Likable. You make friends easily. Teachers adore you. I've never really worried about you. I still don't. Yet, you still get nervous. The night before the first day, you couldn't sleep. We had sent you to bed and nearly an hour later, you came down and asked us if you should wear something different to school (we had already picked out your first day outfit, yet now you were questioning if it was the right choice). I reassured you the outfit was fine and you would look great and just like the rest of your peers. I walked you back upstairs and you were very talkative, and mentioned that you were nervous about basketball tryouts. Which won't take place for another 2 months. My heart aches for you because I am the same way. I worry about things. Things that are beyond my control. Things that I cannot change. Things that are not worth worrying about. But I get it. And I know the feeling. I wish I could help but I can't. The five of us went school clothes shopping this past weekend. You had to try on everything and you were very outspoken this time about what you liked. You're figuring out your style and what you like. I love it. You picked out your shoes (Jordan's) and you insisted on joggers which we couldn't find in your size. You're at an awkward stage right now. Pants are usually either too short or too big around your waist. You're tall, but super skinny. Eventually we left the mall exhausted and irritated. We decided that you and I would go back at a later date, without Bella. And without Dad. You were worried that you didn't have school supplies. I reminded you that you would get lists from your teachers the first week, and we would go shopping after that, like we did last year. But you still said you felt "unprepared" for the first day. Tonight, the two of us went to the mall and to get school supplies. We were successful, and I knew you were happy as we were driving home, you said, "I'm excited.....to go to school tomorrow". It's the third day. And you sat at the kitchen table tonight organizing your supplies and packing your backpack. And laying out your clothes. You came downstairs repeatedly to ask about outfits for the rest of the week. I'm thankful that you and your cousin get to share a homeroom together. How special is that?!? I'm sad because I know you are going to continue to grow up and this year will bring more changes. Yet, I know you are going to have a great year. I'm so proud of you. We are at a different stage in your life. It's new to us as you are our first. I'm thankful to learn from you. You are such a great first born. You make it so easy. Thanks for being you.
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About two months ago, I drove you to school after you'd missed the bus. You asked why I couldn't drive you to school every day. I saw no reason why I couldn't. I had time before work. It would give you a few more minutes in the morning to get ready, so you're not so rushed. And most importantly, it gave us a few quiet minutes alone in the car. So, we decided to make it the new morning routine. You are always in a good mood in the morning. Some days you wake up on your own and make your cereal. And since I've started taking you, you listen better in the morning and get ready without being told over and over. You've even been coming into my bathroom to brush your teeth while I'm getting ready. You ask me to fix your hair with the "spiker" glue. And then you have to hair spray it. A friend of yours told me that you are always bragging at school that you're having a "good hair day". And your teacher has complimented you several times on your sense of style. We have a good conversation in the car. Sometimes we just listen to the music. We talk about the plan for that evening. If you have a game or practice. If you can have a friend over. In the evenings, since it's been cold outside, you prefer to hang out downstairs on the couch and watch reruns of Full House. You never spend time in your room, except to sleep. And occasionally, you'll get on the playstation and play Minecraft while you face time with Kaleb. You get your homework done every night at afterschool. You're pretty responsible and mature for your age, no doubt. Most of the images I capture of you are playing baseball. Or just playing. You don't like to pose too much for pictures. I think you do it just to be stubborn sometimes. Not because it embarrasses you or because you don't like to be in pictures. You'll take them for anyone else but your own mom. So I have to try to sneak them in when I can, when you're not looking. Baseball has been slow this season. We've missed a lot of games due to rain. We had a good time in Rocky Mt with the Cannons, but you were hard on yourself and your heart wasn't in it. When you or your team are not doing well, you shut down and become discouraged easily. You are definitely your own person, and I admire that about you. You look up to your big brother, even though I doubt you would ever admit that. He is the one you most want to be like. The other night in the car, we were talking about basketball season, and Jackson made a comment that you should move up and play on their team because "he's good enough to play with us". It was such a sweet thing for Jackson to say (and he meant it when he said it) but to see the look of pride on your face that your big brother thinks you're a good basketball player, good enough to play with the big boys and on his team? It really made me realize how much his thoughts matter to you.
Dear Cam, Your brother started middle school this year. And I have seen so much change, and growth, in just a few months. What I have learned over this short period of time is how fast it is all going by. Sounds cliché, I know. People say that all the time. He is growing up, no doubt. Changing almost overnight. It has made me realize that I've got to hold onto you as long as I can. Really take the time to just be in the moment. You see, despite your tough façade, you are quite the momma's boy. You are sweet and kind hearted. And love to snuggle. You are so affectionate and loving. To me. To your sister. Even to your Dad. You love to hold hands. To have your back scratched. You ask your Dad or I to "tuck" you into bed every night. I dread the day you grow up and grow out of my lap, which by the way you still love to sit in. You still ask to play with my hair or give me a massage. I realize I don't have much longer. And I also realize you have to compete for those snuggles with your baby sister. You are obsessed with Rocky right now. We recently watched all the movies in preparation for the release of Creed, the newest in the series. You loved them all. And watch them over and over. Now you have even started "training" like Rocky and punching the air. We finally got to see Creed last night. The 4 of us went and left Bella with Honey. You were so excited. Jackson was, too. Both of you asked questions throughout the movie, talking nonstop. You couldn't sit still, you were so excited and nervous for the main fight. I loved it. I loved seeing you so excited and so happy. The look on your face.
You haven't really asked for anything for Christmas. And it made me realize something very important about you. You aren't really into material things. Sure, you like playing Minecraft and PS3. But what makes you the happiest is being with family. You love going to the beach house, staying in a hotel, visiting Great Wolf Lodge, spending the night with your cousin, riding your bike around the neighborhood. Even simple things, like movie nights at the house when it's just our little family of 5. You had so much fun at Busch Gardens the first time you went (last weekend), the very next day you asked if we could go back and take one of your friends. You love spending time with family and friends. That is what you makes you the happiest. And that makes me so very happy. I appreciate these things about you, and the fact that you are content with just enjoying these little things. I'm looking forward to spending Christmas break with you and your siblings. I'm so grateful to have this time with you. I'm so grateful to be your mom. Love, Mom. You are trying out for an AAU basketball team this weekend.
You had asked to skip All Stars baseball this past summer, because you wanted to focus on baseball and eventually join an AAU team. You played rec ball at the field house all summer up until last week. In August, you started working out with another basketball team. You have learned a lot and grown so much from those practices. I thought it had helped your confidence. You were very excited at the beginning of the school year to try out for the middle school team in November. Even though you understand that not many 6th graders don't make the team, you seemed excited just to try out. You take a basketball everywhere we go. You can't go through a doorway without trying to jump and see how high you can reach. You eat, drink, and sleep basketball these days. It makes us both happy to see you so passionate about a sport. Last weekend, you were supposed to try out for an AAU team, but practice was canceled. You were a nervous wreck. You tried to back out on the practice, saying you weren't ready. Now you are even saying you don't want to try out for middle school anymore. I was getting frustrated, that your lack of motivation might mean you were getting lazy and losing your passion for the sport. We had a rough experience in the summer. The team you played with wasn't good, at all. Daddy and I worried in the end it was holding you back and discouraging you. Which made us more excited about the prospect of getting you hooked up with a real team with experienced players. Now, it seems you have lost faith in yourself and have become discouraged. The other night, you even confessed to me that you don't think you're good enough to play on a travel team. I'm not going to let you back out of this now. Because I do think you are good enough. But more importantly, you need to understand that life isn't always going to go your way. That doesn't mean you can give up and not even try. There is a valuable life lesson to be learned here, whether I like it or not. There is a good chance you won't make the middle school team, but it won't be because you're not good enough. There is also the chance that you won't get on this AAU team. I want so much to protect you from a let down. That's what is tough about middle school, about this age. Sooner or later, you're going to be disappointed. A girl is going to break your heart. You may get cut from a team. It's bound to happen; it's life. You have to go through these experiences in order to grow up. What you don't understand (and won't for a very long time, until you have kids of your own), is that it's going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you. The hardest part is going to be mine. I've been there before, I understand what you're feeling. And looking back, I know it's not the end of the world. But I don't want to see you with a broken heart. I guess I have to realize, too, that it's going to happen. I can't protect you from everything. And I shouldn't. I will, however, do everything I can to make it easier on you. No matter how old you get, you are (and will always be) my baby. Middle School. It's happening. The one thing I will always have with you is sharing these first-time experiences, that comes with being the first-born. There was a (brief) time when it was just you. Then you had to make room for two younger (and slightly annoying siblings). They don't know any different. But you do (okay, it's highly unlikely at 3, you remember anything but them being in your life). But I do. I remember what it was like when it was just you. And when I thought that I couldn't love another as much as I loved you. I remember the exact moment you first smiled. Daddy called you "smiley-wiley boy" and you must've found that amusing. Maybe it was his goofy, high-pitched voice. You always did things earlier than expected. You got your first tooth at 5 months. You were walking by 9 months. You had a full vocabulary at 15 months.
11 1/2 years later, you still make me the proudest Mommy ever. I sat with you for a little while at your middle school orientation this morning. You were very excited when they mentioned the ice cream parties for Honor Roll students. I love that about you. I love that you are still confident in your own skin and care very little about anything but Minecraft and basketball. Of course, you worry about getting Principal's List. But you don't care what anyone else thinks of you. I know that won't always be the case. Middle school is going to be so different and so much is going to change over the next 9 months. And you're going to change. I just pray that it won't change who you are. Because I love everything about who you are. You still like to collect shells. And give them to me as gifts. You were so proud of this shell you found on the shores of Hatteras Island this past weekend. You love going to the beach, to the "beach house" for family vacations. The more, the merrier. You don't mind just going to the beach every day. You seem to like just having us all together, no schedule, no matter what we do. You love playing games at the beach. This year, the favorite was Pop Pop's "low tide toss". We only stayed for 3 days this summer. As usual, you had so much fun; you didn't want to leave. (This shell sits on your dresser in your room. You were so worried I had forgotten it when we got home.) This summer, you have learned to boogey board all on your own (no longer needing Daddy's push). And love it. Every time you came in, you would look to me and Daddy to make sure we saw and give us the thumbs up. On the drive down to the Outer Banks, you brought up a memory. "Dad, remember that time we came down here and stayed in the two story house? And we had to stop at the park to wait for our house? And me and you and Kaleb played catch at the park?" The sweet, little things that you remember. Those little things at the time, I don't realize you appreciate. Or that you are even going to remember it. Or that you are having the time of your life. It makes my heart happy that you love being with your family. We are moving up to kid pitch in baseball. You keep asking Daddy to practice pitching. Sometimes the two of you bump heads, but you're getting older now, and more mature. And you're starting to listen to what he tries to teach you. You can be very stubborn at times, especially when you're embarrassed. But when you figure something out, the smile on your face just lights up my heart. You are growing like a weed. Again. You're still in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. You are very proud that you weigh 82 pounds. You've loved having me home with you for the second half of the Summer. And I've loved it even more. I'm looking forward to next Summer. You are such a good big brother, and cousin. You are really good with the little ones. I think you take pride in being older than them. When you're not tormenting Bella (which I would be surprised if you didn't give her just a little grief), you are her biggest fan. Sometimes she gets annoyed when you try to parent her, but I know you are only doing your big brother deed. She's just as stubborn as you. Third grade is just around the corner, and it's a big turning point from little kid to big kid. I'm excited, and a little nervous, to see how you handle it. Jackson will no longer be at school with you. Even though you love having him there, I think the separation will be good for your independence and growth. I know you will do great in school; you always have.
Love, Mom XOXOXO |
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November 2018
AuthorMy name is Kaci. I am a working mom of 3. Wife to Josh. Mom to Jackson, Cameron & Isabella. My life is dinner, homework, baseball, basketball, grocery lists, laundry, middle school, wine, video games, and schedules. I started this blog because I love taking pictures, and I needed a place to document our life. I wanted a place to write it all down, to remember little details so easily forgotten in the mad rush that is the life of a family of 5. Through my photos and words, I endeavor to capture our story. Categories
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