Today marks 4 years without you.
Another year has gone by. Not that I don't think about you almost daily, but life just keeps moving forward.
I know you'd understand. We didn't have to talk on the phone every day. Sometimes it would be weeks before I'd hear from you, or before I'd pick up the phone to reach out. I'll admit, sometimes Josh would have to remind me, "Have you talked to your Dad lately?" But I always knew you understood. Life was just happening, and I was already doing my damnedest to keep up.
I made it a point to visit you at least once or twice a year, so my kids would get to know you. That was very important to me since we lived 800 miles apart. But even more importantly, I wanted you to know them. Because I'm so proud of them. And I knew you would be, too.
That's what hurts the most. That they will never know you. And you can't be here to watch them grow up. To share in my joy. To brag about your grandkids, all 6 of them.
Jackson is really enjoying football. The other day, I thought how much you would love watching him and Kaleb play. How happy it would make you that they are getting to grow up together and are so close. He is growing up so fast, Dad. It scares me that I only have a few years left with him. I feel like I've lost time somewhere.
Cameron is doing well in school, and he is a stud on the baseball field. His personality reminds me the most of you. (He's going to be a hell raiser, I'm afraid. But I look at you, and you turned out ok.) I imagine he will be a beast in whatever sport he plays. Maybe he'll even play for I.U. But if he decides not to go to college right away, I'm making his butt join the Navy. He'll do fine as long as he always has someone riding his ass. As long as he promises to come home every chance he gets.
Bella is 3 now and going on 13. She keeps us all laughing, even Jack and Cam. She's such a girl, always taking care of her babies or cooking in her kitchen. Her and Sydney are so close, despite the gap in age. Your only 2 granddaughters. Even though I know you loved having 4 grandsons, I really think the girls made you soft. (Too bad that never worked out for me and Jodi.) Syd and Bella would have you completely wrapped.
If I show Bella your picture, she knows who you are - "that's Paw Paw", even though she will never get to meet you. I talk about you all the time. I tell the boys how you used to love to scare us, just like I enjoy scaring them. Whenever we drive past ships, I point out the one "Paw Paw used to work on". Sometimes they even ask me questions.
I wish you could take the boys fishing. I wish you could come with us on one of our vacations in Hatteras. I know how much you love the ocean. I wish you could sit with us on the deck around the fire pit. or at the field watching the boys play sports, or around the pool watching Bella learn to swim. Remember the summer you were doing back flips off the diving board with Jack & Kaleb?
Thanksgiving is almost here, and I always remember the last Thanksgiving we got to spend with you. How ironic that you came to VA that year for your last Thanksgiving. How blessed I am to have that memory. Jodi and I always think of you this time of year. It will never feel quite right without you around our table.
I love you.
My name is Kaci. I am a working mom of 3. Wife to Josh. Mom to Jackson, Cameron & Isabella. My life is dinner, homework, baseball, basketball, grocery lists, laundry, wine, video games, and bath time. I started this blog because I am passionate about photography and journaling, and because I wanted a place to write it all down, to rememeber little details so easily forgotten in the mad rush that is the life of a family of 5. Through my photos and words, I endeavor to capture our story.